i cheated on my husband islam

Every time I think of it I feel like I betrayed not only my husband but Allah as well. Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. My Punishment is indeed severe" [Ibraaheem 14:7]. "The brother in law is death" is a commonly cited quotation, for good reason. 4- Fill his time with useful and beneficial things. Get in touch with Williamsdhackghost (at)Gmail. I am a happy American woman who converted to Islam by choice 8 years ago. In other words, cheating in Islam can mean betrayal. I feel unhappy at times and like Im stuck with someone who doesnt love me or have feelings for me. Create an account, If you do not have an account, you can click the button below to create one, Create new account The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. I have been married about 20 years ago and have 4 kids' two teenagers and other two 9 and 7 years old. It is especially difficult to keep it away from the temptation of cheating. If he decides to work on the marriage, you will also need affair recovery therapy in order to rebuild his trust in you. If necessary, it might be that you require marriage counseling to deal with the consequences of your actions and to assist you both in moving forward successfully. This is the najsh (artificial inflation of prices) which the Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade. A person who does not know how to keep his heart and gaze will be easy to experience it. I am extremely ashamed of my actions and sincerely wish that you could assist me with my affairs. The one who thinks about what happens in real life will find that many people engage in some form of cheating in all areas of their lives. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. 3. My brother is gay. The Prayer of Need (Salat al-Hajah) or Istikhara? Does she not have to ask for his forgiveness? Some men can be very guarded and closed when it comes to expressing how they feel - it can almost feel like they are pulling away from you and leaves you wondering whether he's actually into you. How do you go from this: EXTREMELY happily married for 14 years, and have 2 children. Ultimately, you have to be both practical and spiritual in your decisions and recall that you will meet Allah one day and be asked about your choices. Betrayal trauma and divorce is hard, I feel for everyone going through it. I just cheated on my husband for the first time this weekend. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". Infidelity comes in many forms. We have a child and at times I feel like I cannot live with him and that I dont want to be with him because he has betrayed and used me and made me feel like we are ok when we were not. I am married for 2 years, my husband and I were in the process of emigrating to a new country, we have no children, my parents are deceased, my husbands parents are divorced, his Mother is a non muslim, and so is his Brother. A person is hungry for attention or nurturing, so they connect with someone outside the relationship to fulfill their needs.2. Now its even easier to cheat due to the free access of internet and technology. Allah commands us to only confess to Him over our sins. The man you had an affair with probably has the qualities you are looking for in a husband, but you need to ask yourself: Can my actual husband become more like him?, Am I having an affair because it is easier to find someone else than to work on what I have?. We keep to ourselves. It is important to be in a calmer state of mind in order to answer for yourself some very important questions. So I find out my husband of years has been cheating on me ! The conditions of the sincere repentance were previously underlined in fatwa 86527. You have to make a conscious decision. IslamicAnswers.com Staff Photo Gallery. According to the hadit of Muhammad Rasulullah SAW said above, there are some things that can be categorised as the act of cheating which include: As explained, cheating is an act that is close to zina or it can be said as a form of zina that is repeated over and over again. That's thelaws of cheating in Islamic marriage. Some thing is missing from your marriage. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. Cheating has bigger consequences when it happens between married couples. If you're looking for comfort here just by telling your story, you're not going to get it. However, you do run the risk of not having blessings in that marriage due to it beginning on an unlawful step and breaking up your current family, but this is known only to Allah. He now promised he wont get in contact with her and that he has ended it, but in my heart there is so much hurt and at times I cry and get depressed and feel like I am not enough for him. My cousins are astrayhow do I advise them? Here are the. disbelievers), verily! In a hadith, Muhammad Rasulullah SAW stated that in one of his dreams, he sees a punishment given by Allah to the person committing zina: So we proceeded and came across something like a Tannur. We flirted a lot and he started hitting . What is a man really supposed to do, so the wife remains loyal. You may discover that this soul shattering event is the reboot you needed to develop a healthier and more mature approach to relationships. Related. I leave it for you to add more examples of cheating in buying and selling that may cross your mind. 2. If you choose to and are ready to confront your husband, my first concern would be about safety. Give affections to the significant other. Have your questions written out. She is also Assistant Professor of Marriage and Family Therapy at the University of Houston-Clear Lake. 5-It causes one to be deprived of barakah (blessing) in one's wealth and one's life. Allah, may He be glorified, has blessed him with good health, well-being and a wife and children, either now or soon, in sha Allah. Get over that guilt of yours but let it be a lesson for you. I would suggest no more than two hours. Views : The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". OP: I recently cheated on my husband with another man, for 4 months. May Allah guide you and keep you on the right path, Ameen. Haram conversation or talk in any form, which includes the act of purposely flirting and sweet talking to the opposite gender in the hopes of attracting them. I have keep the status quo. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. 2. No one does this except one who is ignoble and does not care about his soul, so he causes it to indulge in that which will cause its doom and destruction. Meanwhile, Muhammad Rasulullah SAW spoke through the hadith by Abu Huraira that said: Verily, Allah has written for the son of Adam his portion of adultery which he will inevitably commit: the adultery of the eyes is a lustful look, the adultery of the tongue is lustful speech. The Prayer of Need (Salat al-Hajah) or Istikhara? Ameen. My husband's brother 'X' helped me move out of my flat which then allowed us a lot of time alone, and after weeks of flirting with me (and me ignoring it) finally, he kissed me and we performed foreplay with each other (not actual intercourse). The Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) passed by a pile of food and put his hand into it, and his fingers touched something wet. Everyone looks up to us. He may even go to the extent of hiring a luxury car, spending hundreds of riyals, to give the impression that he owns it, when in fact he does not own anything. Even though you made the decision to crawl into another man's bed. My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. So let them fear Allaah and speak right words. Find out to see whether he actually likes you by taking this quick free quiz. I can only imagine what he will go through. Some people consciously or subconsciously use cheating as a way to end a marriage. 4-Some fathers and guardians of women, if the suitor asks to see the woman which is permissible so long as the conditions stipulated in Islam are met give him permission to do so after they fill her face will all kinds of colours and dyes, i.e. How did you meet this man? It was a great SIN! I feel so betrayed and heartbroken. A person who cheats often display constant lying which can be observed through their behaviours. Remember His punishment and torment: Verily, your Lord is Ever Watchful (over them). Here we will examine the phenomenon of cheating, now that you know the warnings that apply to it. Afshanas research interests include exploring the challenges faced by Muslims in the American society, issues with acculturation and assimilation, raising children, incorporating the use of spirituality in family therapy, and most importantly formatting traditional therapy in ways that will be appealing to those who belong to collectivistic cultures in addition to those who view therapy as shameful. Although every case is unique, there are four basic situations why people have affairs: 1. I waited, my mouth completely still, until, finally, he reached for my tongue with his. What we want is that which will help mend his ways, not that which may be taken as a means to continue what he is doing of committing sin. The Shaytaan makes their evil deeds attractive to them. 2-Some fathers and guardians of women show the suitor the daughter who is beautiful, then on the wedding night he finds out that he has been given a different daughter who is ugly, but he has no choice but to accept the situation. A married working mother with a husband who was barely around . My husband watches my mother sleep but says its magic! But not in a way that puts pressure on us. Please make sure it doesn't happen again! I have repented HARD. Used, manipulated, gaslighted, and then left by a man, Im happily married but I keep checking out other women, I am certain I will commit zinaI have no faith in myself or Allah. I'm a stereotype. Can someone with religious knowledge please tell me what I should do? She was also co-director of a non-profit organization, Hawa Center for Refugee Mental Health, now called the Center for Refugee Services. I Cheated on My Careless Husband & Left Home. I have listed them as practical options for you to reflect on and I pray to Allah to guide you to the best means and outcome in sha Allah. If it is proven that your wife cheated on you, then it is not enough that she apologizes to you; rather, she has to repent to Allah sincerely of this sin. This program provided her with rigorous training in therapy and research with minority families. Subhanallah. Afshana Haque is currently the executive director of her private practice, Muslim Family Support and conducts face to face and online therapy from Houston, TX. One of the mutual rights of brotherhood among the believers is to be sincere towards one another, and the hypocrites are cheats. In these days of Facebook and Twitter, anyone can make themselves LOOK good. Do not just follow your heart but think with your head. I would also advise you to go for a sexual health checkup to ensure you have not caught any infections, and do a pregnancy test to ensure you are not pregnant. However, that was only the first time, there after, we began to text each other planning ways to meet up alone. Source: If he really is angry and abusive you must do two things. This is what we can give you by way of advice. Islam absolutely forbids cheating and deception whether Muslims or non-Muslims are involved. It contains a lot of brief, yet informative articles about different aspects of Islam. You have to make a conscious decision. Ibn Hajar al-Haythami said: the forbidden type of cheating is when the owner of the goods knows something which, if the would-be purchaser knew about it, he would not pay that amount of money for it. https://aboutislam.net/family-life/husbands-wives/getting-divorce-five-things-consider/, https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-scholar/family/valid-reasons-for-divorce-in-islam/, https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/extramarital-affairs/cant-forgive-wife-cheated/. No one does this except one who is ignoble and does not care about his soul, so he causes it to indulge in that which will cause its doom and destruction. During her graduate career she had the privilege of being a part of the AAMFT Minority Fellowship Program and was granted over $50,000 in funding. Answer (1 of 11): Staying with someone like that is a punishment that you give to yourself. Married couples will not say the same thing. In answer to. You've done your best and fulfilled your responsibilities, if your husband can't see that, or in this case, won't see that, and is busy with this other woman, then he can go live with her. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. Al-Kafawi said: cheating causes blackness of the heart and frowning on the face, hence this word (ghish = cheating or deceit) is also used (in Arabic) to refer to hatred or enmity. Moreover, this is not what the individual is enjoined to do in response to the blessings that his Lord has bestowed upon him. I assume he does not even know about it. Wow. Set a beginning time and an ending time. Will you sell it for five hundred dirhams? He kept increasing it by one hundred each time, with the owner agreeing and Jareer saying, Your horse is worth more than that, until he reached eight hundred, for which price he bought it. 11-Some of them turn back the odometer, if it shows that the car has traveled a great distance, to trick the purchaser into thinking that the car has only been used a little. Dont tell secrets to anybody who is already married. Just because you have learned how to pray, doesn't mean your mind isn't convinced that you were victimised in all of this. For that to happen, you must talk about the affair and how it has affected you on the most personal level 1. Now I cannot trust my husband and always think about how they must have interacted and how they must have made jokes and in their e-mail they talked about their past when they were talking which is haram (impermissible) unless you talk to a mahram (close relative whom one cannot marry). Even if there is no history of violence, he can become very angry and defensive about getting caught. She broke her family to get my husband. Others cheat when seeking validation or fulfillment from an outside relationship. Questions cannot be asked through this form, relationship with a woman who is not his mahram. OP: I am currently seeking therapy and counsel with my local Imam for some current and past issues beyond this. 266825. Used, manipulated, gaslighted, and then left by a man, Im happily married but I keep checking out other women. To live out a fantasy makes us feel alive. May Allah make it easy for you. Don't go for khula, because Allah hates Khula or Talaq. The extent of cognitive dissonance in him and his family is amazing. Going back to your husband without telling him of your affair: The reasons why you had an affair are truly known only to you and Allah sister. She asked me to divorce her but I did not accede to her at that time, thinking about the impact on my kids. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Copyright 2022 MuslimMatters: Because Muslims Matter. al-Tahreem 66:6). Everything went well until the very last 2 weeks before I was to leave the country to join my husband. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads. From that verse alone, it is definite that cheating is an act that is very close to or even the same as committing adultery. Why would extremely happy married woman have affair? Unfortunately, many Asians/Arabic parents and families pressurize their children to marry someone they dont like. This is what I believe people especially women forget in their pursuit of Love and filling a void in their hearts. For women, covering the intimate parts while going outside the home and when there is a male guest coming over. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way. (Al-Isra, 17:32). I applied [for] a divorce and he refused and promised my Qazi that he applied [for] a divorce for the 2nd . It's not only Women like this sister.. I hope you find what you're looking for. 4. These are some of the ways in which cheating is manifested, and there are others, for this is just a drop in the ocean, so that those who were to be destroyed (for their rejecting the Faith) might be destroyed after a clear evidence, and those who were to live (i.e. It may take the form of concealing faults in goods or other ways such as deceiving people about the quality of a product, or its components, quantity, weight, essential features or source. She has also presented at the Texas Dawah Convention, ISNA: Islam in America Conference, and was invited to give parenting workshops at ISGH NW Zone and Austin Peace Academy. Staying with someone like that is a punishment that you give to yourself. Sometimes confrontations can get violent especially if he has been abusive in anyway in the past or short tempered. I want advice from you on how to take control of this situation in a halaal (lawful) way. Even though my husband doesn't believe this, I understand why he doesn't. lol. Want to marry a revert but family wont accept.. My husband and his previous partner recited Kalma Nikah to remove Zina!, I wish to leave my cheating husband and take the children with me. Realise that there is a severe punishment for people who commit zina. In Islam, the act of cheating is known as al khianah az zaujiyyah, which means a person who turns to someone who is not their significant other. Im fearful of my husband having Hoor-Al-Ayn in Paradise. I was proud of myself but I could never get over the hump of learning to read the Quran and praying. Does Islam allow this? Do you really? You don't need to make matters worse by potentially spreading STDs to your husband. Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. 4-It causes ones duaas not to be accepted. People get weary, exhausted and hungry if you go too long and things can escalate and become extremely ugly. A person has a sex addiction. We don't fight or argue hardly at all, we are best friends! 3. Is local Imam a man? OP, you are not disclosing any details of anything that might have happened in-between your 'extremely happy marriage' to cheating on your 'stuck-by-the-hip' husband. Is it possible for our relationship to heal from this? These are some of the ways in which this cheating is manifested: 1-Some fathers may offer a man who comes to marry one of his daughters his youngest daughter who is still a virgin, then on the wedding night he finds out that he has been given the older, previously-married daughter. Even though you wronged your man, no need to inform him. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc.

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